Fed up with declining working conditions for faculty, English department member Justin Brent has pitched a tent in front of Smith Administration and surrounded it with placards voicing faculty grievances.

“It’s time for a reality check,” asserted Brent, who seemed all too eager to identify himself. “I mean, what’s next; are faculty going to be expected to put in a five-day work week? Are they going to treat us like staff?!”

Brent’s vehemence stifled subsequent questions from the gathering of BlueStocking staffers who showed up for an interview. But one brave soul ventured to ask how fourteen weeks of summer vacation and an additional four at Christmas was not adequate vacation time. For propriety’s sake we cannot provide an exact transcript of Brent’s reply.

“You’re [expletive] [expletive] right it’s not enough vacation! You sons of [expletive] have no idea the post-traumatic stress suffered from [expletive] grading, [expletive] committee work, [expletive] contact hours, and [expletive] collaboration with colleagues. A YEAR isn’t adequate recovery time for these travails! And you have the nerve to ask whether summer and Christmas Break is enough? Duh [expletive] 120 days’ vacation is not enough!”

Provost Raber, who declined to comment, offered only a dumbfounded shake of the head in disbelief.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are meant in jest and should not be taken seriously. All quotes should be assumed falsified and should not be held agains the alleged speaker. This article is part of the BlueStocking’s April Fools Holiday prank and does not necessarily reflect the direct views of Presbyterian College or of the BlueStocking Newspaper. Thanks for caring enough to read the disclaimer. Merry belated April Fools to you, kind sir!