Top 10 Signs You’re a Neville Major During Exam Week


Meg McGill, Staff Writer

10) Your clothes imbibe the smell of mold, knowledge, and old books. It’s that Neville cologne, tres chic!

9) You get really excited about your 18 page final essay that you started at 2am last night without sleep and finished at 6am without editing. But, you’re sure it is a great paper because you really do care about (insert nerdy topic here) and you will happily argue about it any time with anyone who cares to listen.

8) You have specific Microsoft Word settings and have slowly hand-crafted your Auto-correct over the semester to be perfectly calibrated to your usual typos.

7) You know instinctually which gas stations are open 24/7 so that you can stock up on caffeine at any time day or night, mostly just night.

6) Words like “short answer” give you anxiety. Honestly, what is ‘short’? Is that an essay, a paragraph, a phrase? Invariably, you write too much and the professor gives you full credit for the question because they don’t actually have time to read your whole dissertation.

5) In class essays are your worst exam nightmare. You have trained for years to type the perfect essay. Now you’re expected to hand write it! On a time limit! No wonder your hand literally fell off while you were scribbling away and begging your professor for just 10 more minutes to write, 4 hours after the test started.

4) Without conscious effort, you start to dress/act like your professors.

History majors start wearing short-sleeved button-downs and shouting, “Pursue Excellence” at odd moments.

English majors seem to be able to find all manner of black-on-black cardigan/button-down combos to wear, but have inexplicably started to walk around barefoot.

Language majors start dressing as a stereotypical native speaker of their language and find that they speak in an accent they didn’t know they had.

Religion and Philosophy majors wear a constant expression of fear (or a mustache to rival Dr. Bryant’s) but trudge on through the week because it is their calling.

This is unavoidable, after all you see your professors more than your friends.

3) You get stressed out the most when you cannot find your pen. A replacement will not work because it’s not just any pen; it’s the perfect pen, it’s the pen you always use, it’s your pen!

2) As the week progresses, the titles for your papers get more and more ridiculous. Such as;

“Luxembourg is Europe’s New Jersey”,

“Heavy Weight Match-Up: Whitman vs. Poe”,

“On The Third Day, Jesus Laughed and said, ‘YOLO’”.

At this point, you’re just playing for the cheap laughs and hoping for the best.

1) You turn into a nocturnal being during Exam week. Let’s be honest, your finals are mostly all papers. You sleep all day and write all night.