PC Athletic Department Revokes WiFi Privileges

April Fools, Staff Writer

The new Meru wifi routers found around campus have greatly improved internet accessibility for all. When students returned from break last Fall, they found that they could connect to Facebook, Twitter, and other similar types of social networking sites 24/7, anywhere on campus, without cutting into their parents’ data plans.

Now that everyone knows how giving the PC athletic department is, the true purpose of the routers is coming to light. Starting April 2, only athletes will have internet privileges. All other students need to purchase their own routers (available at the Scotsman’s Corner) and pay a service fee that will be automatically added to all financial aid bills.

This privilege comes to PC athletics after a recent study deduced that athletes need sufficient relaxation time to cope with their vigorous workout routines. Flappy Bird, Candy Crush, and Clash of Clans are necessary to ensure that PC’s move to D1 a few years ago shows results.