If a seven day long storm swept through campus once every 365 days that kept students awake past two am, caused one’s hair to fall out, and inclined everybody to stress eat, I have no doubt that storm would be researched and labeled the disaster of all disasters. It’s not a storm, however. It’s the week of finals. Survival is key.

It’s important to remember that while, yes, exam week is to be taken seriously and prepared for accordingly, it’s easy to fall into the trap of sacrificing your mental health and physical state. To help readers keep above the surface emotionally, not just physically and academically, here’s a (not serious at all) survival guide on finals week. Rationality has left the chat. It’s time to become realistic about our dire situation.

Step 1: Accept That You No Longer Control Your Life – It’s time that you finally, after much deep thought, sacrifice your sleep schedule to the void growing in the corner of your room behind that big pile of clean laundry. Hope is a risk we cannot afford to take at this moment in time. Embrace the chaos and watch your inner mad man surface. Mismatched socks, “not great” coffee, finally reading that one syllabus you never gave the time of day to.

Step 2: Show Procrastination Who’s the Boss – Well, it’s not going anywhere, is it? Might as well master it like shepherd to sheep and tame the wild beast. Before procrastination can tell you to wait five more minutes, do yourself a favor and wait ten. Show procrastination that in no way it can tell you what to do. Only you can.

Step 3: Fuel Your Inner Goblin – There’s no time like now to experiment and “switch things up.” Your sleep schedule and daily routine are already lost in the wind, might as well include that diet shall we? Caffeine is my personal favorite food group, so make sure to always get your daily dose. Follow that coffee with some leftover pizza for lunch. The more leftovers you have in your system, the more power. And finally, before you start falling asleep, follow up with a tasty plate of regret for not doing “literally anything else.” Some water too. We know you’ve been crying.

Step 4: Redefine Studying – Live your truth. Studying looks different to everyone like all experiences in life. Open a Google document and, for a little while, just stare at it. Studying. Watching a youtube summary on 2.0 times speed while spacing out? Studying. And when you think you can’t do it anymore, challenge yourself more than you ever thought possible. Read a paragraph.

Step 5: Build a Support Network – Are you unable to hang out with friends during exam week because you’re all just so dang busy? Well, obviously you’ve never tried this next one. I present to you, your dreams. In your dreams, you can hang out with all of your friends. Can’t see Tom because he has a chemistry final Friday? Dream about you and Tom at the movies! At a football game! Anywhere! In the morning, talk to your friends about your dream with them! “That was a great movie last night, right?” People love to know you’re thinking about them!

Step 6: Mentally prepare for Finals – When the fight comes to fruition, I trust you all will be ready. Prepare for canvas, essay prompts, multiple choice questions with answers like “A and B”, and professors who “know you can do it, they just want to challenge you.” Walk into every exam room with confidence, even when you have no recollection of anything related to the subject. Accept that at this point, your GPA is whatever it feels like it is.

At the end of the day, exam week makes everyone nervous. We all are joking about dropping out and wondering if we paid attention at all in class. Because this is one of the things that we all have in common, we all need to make sure we are being there for each other. Bring a friend a muffin if they’re struggling to leave their dorm. Let your teacher know you’re nervous and ask for advice on which way to study they would recommend. Just remember, most importantly, that the exams can’t hurt you if you hurt them first. Throw away your test papers. As soon as you get them. Into the trash. Right now.