The administration decided that, beginning tomorrow morning at 6:00 am, Presbyterian College students will be required to wake up each day to live bagpipe performances.
Called “Rise with the Pipes”, This initiative is designed to strengthen campus unity and embrace the campus’s Scottish heritage. It also hopes to wake students up in time to give them “ample time to emotionally prepare for classes,” according to their statements today.
This new policy will be performed by the new group, the Blue Hose Pipe Corps, and will be accompanied by Scotty. The corps will consist of underclassmen who will have a required “Intro to Bagpiping” course during orientation week next year. For now, the corps will consist of recruited students who already know the bagpipes. If you are interested in participating, reach out on Campus Groups.
The Office of Student Affairs stated that they are always looking for ways to innovate and to enhance student success. “Research shows that students who wake up early are more productive,” and they decided to do more than just encourage students to wake up early.
Students who fail to wake up for the performances will receive disciplinary action. Students may even be reported to the Honor Council if their performances are consistently poor.
Reactions from students have been mixed. Some students stated that they do not mind the adjustment as they already get up early for athletics or ROTC. Other students stated that the school should not have this much power over their personal lives. Some students are excited to have someone else hold them accountable and have less fear of sleeping in.
In addition to the morning performances, the program will have performances during finals to help students stay awake while studying.
Campus administration confirmed that noise-canceling headphones will not be an acceptable excuse or aid to miss performances. The students are expected to be fully involved in the initiative.
Disclaimer: The intended purpose of this article is to celebrate April Fool's Day. All the information from this article is false and written to be humorous.
